I learned many coping skills at yphp that I am still figuring out how to use. I couldn't be more grateful for yphp because it was there that I learned how much I loved to write. Writing is a huge coping skill that I use everyday. After I got discharged from yphp I was ready to go back to lockwood, so they thought. I lasted not even two weeks back at lockwood before I went back to the psych ward. This time I tried to commit suicide; I overdosed. I was in the ER all night puking up blood, having extremely fuzzy vision, being super dizzy to the point where I couldn't walk, and shaking uncontrollably. I was almost certain it was over for me but I guess I lived for a reason. Not because the pills just didn't work but because I'm meant to stay on this earth, I have a purpose. I started back at lockwood and began to go to school for only half a day. This being said I had anxiety attacks almost everyday, going to school felt like going to prison; a place where I wasn't accepted but was forced to attend. I talked to my therapist about my depression and anxiety and she helped me through my worst, she's still helping me through it. I'm thankful I got and am still getting the help I need.
Throughout my depression I learned that music is basically my life saver. Music is so important to me and it's all because of my depression. Music is also where my writing comes in because I love to write. Many bands have touched my heart with their songs including: My Chemical Romance, Three Days Grace, Linkin Park, Sixx A.M, Nothing More, P.O.D, Shinedown, and many more. They are also my inspirations for writing and music. I have to thank the psych ward, my therapist, Mrs. Wilder and many of my teachers because I don't know if I would be here without them.
Nothing is worth hurting yourself over. How I like to think of things is everything happens for a reason, for example: I couldn't be more thankful for my depression, Though it sucks and is very hard on me, it made me who I am and I learned so much about myself and the world. Sometimes you have to go through the worst to become the best you. Even though your brain might tell you "your life sucks" you really just got to open up your eyes and see that life is beautiful. Because of my depression I have major trust issues, I can't even talk about self harm without crying, I have memories I can't erase, and I have scars I have to live with the rest of my life. Not to mention I get bullied all the time because of it. That doesn't stop me from living my life and telling you about my struggles. I truly thought I wouldn't live to experience the rest of my teen and adult life but it's not too late to stay strong, it's never too late. I survived depression, you can too.
Side note if you are reading this I really encourage you to listen to "Life Is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M. it's an incredible song and has a very beautiful and powerful message. If you get a chance to listen to any of the bands I listed in my story please do I like them for a reason. Not just because the music is awesome it's because the story behind the song and lyrics is empowering to me and could be to you.
Johannes Hahle was a German war photojournalist during World War 2. He was born on February 15, 1906 in Chemnitz, Germany. Hahle joined the Natzi party in 1932 and was drafted into the German military in 1940. In the military Johannes participated in the Babi Yar Massacre, and the La Bijude, France invasion where he died. The circumstances of his death were unclear. One of the things Johannes Hahle is most famous for are the pictures he took of the Babi Yar Massacre. The Babi Yar massacre was an event that went on right outside of Kiev, Ukraine on September, 29. More than 30,000 jews were marched by German and Soviet soldiers to the Babi Yar Ravine and ordered to take their clothes off. After that they were machine gunned back into the ravine. The German officers did not stop until September 30. Both the dead and wounded were covered over with dirt and rocks. Johannes Hahle, like most famous people, did not become famous until after his death, most likely because when Hahle took the pictures he did not turn them into his superiors. He kept them as personal reminders. After Johannes Hahle died the pictures were recovered and spread around the world.